In recent weeks, a great debate about the sexuality of beloved muppets Bert and Ernie, has erupted online. First, it was reported that Mark Saltzman, Sesame Street writer, had finally confirmed what we had all already known, that the two characters were indeed a couple.
“I always felt that, without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert and Ernie, they were [gay]. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them,” Saltzman told Nora Reed at The Washington Post.
But no sooner had Saltzman waded into those murky queer waters than, Frank Oz, an original creator of the pair, along with his collaborator the late Jim Henson, took to Twitter to set the record straight (haha) saying:
“It seems Mr. Mark Saltzman was asked if Bert and Ernie are gay. It’s fine that he feels that they are. They are not, of course. But why that question? Does it really matter?….”
The Sesame Street Twitter account backed Oz up by posting that “Bert and Ernie were only created to be friends.”
Since then there have been a flurry of headlines. Seems like every furry and his friend has an opinion on this.
NBC says “Bert and Ernie are indeed a gay couple, ‘Sesame Street’ writer claims”
CBS writes, “Bert and Ernie: gay or just friends?…”
The New York Post doesn’t even question it: “Bert and Ernie are gay lovers!”
CNN says, “Sesame Says Bert and Ernie’s Relationship Status is not Complicated.”
Well, it must be complicated if everyone is debating it.
We aren’t even going to try to figure out why The Economic Times is running a video about Bert and Ernie’s sexuality.
The Internet has lost its fucking mind.
Oh, it’s easy enough to dismiss it all as he said he said, but we can clear up all the confusion. They’re gay.
The Sesame Street Workshop is trying to convince you otherwise by tweeting “Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street characters do) they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”
Oh, jeez. Don’t let the Furries hear that. You think a puppet can’t have sex? Puh-leez. Just look at the Furry blogs on tumblr, they’ll show you different.
Besides, even if puppets can’t have sex (of course they can!) you don’t have to have sex to be gay or straight. Only you know what you feel, what you desire, and what you are, which is why it is so damaging that everyone keeps trying to talk for Ernie and Bert instead of letting them speak for themselves.
As the two old sock puppet queens head into their golden years, having bickered their way through bathtime and pigeon ownership, fretted over the meaning of friendship, and suffered through the misery of snoring in side-by-side beds for almost fifty years now, do we really have to question them? They have already told us who they are!
It’s been 5 years since the courts ruled. Let them come out of their bedroom in peace!
