Home is where you’re supposed to be safe, but victims of domestic violence don’t have that security.
A 2010 study from the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control shows that an average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States. That’s more than 12 million people a year.
But due to complications from the COVID-19 pandemic, there’s an increasing fear among IPV (intimate partner violence) advocates that the current number is much worse. Because of the stay-at-home orders and worldwide quarantine, many victims of IPV became trapped with their abusers.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline, which typically receives up to 2,000 calls per day, had only 951 callers in March of 2020 as reported to Sarah Fielding of The Guardian.
The abuse isn’t stopping, but victims’ perpetual proximity to their abusers makes it unsafe to reach out for help. Keeping victims in isolation with their abusers raises the risk of physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse.
Katerina Madias, a first year nursing major and survivor of domestic violence says of her own experience, “The verbal was the worst. The verbal abuse is the one that hurt me the most. Because bruises can go. The pain, you know, after a while is gone, but the verbal abuse was unimaginable. It is something that stings.”
Madias is not alone. Verbal and emotional abuse compound into a complex form of PTSD that can cause depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts or actions. But these acts of violence are often culturally ignored.
The intersection of class, racial, gender, and sexual identities often complicate and deepen the stigma surrounding assault survivors. Combating this social stigma against domestic violence starts with recognizing the warning signs.
Break the Cycle, a national nonprofit dealing with domestic violence has a list of red flags to watch out for. Even one or two of these behaviors may be an indicator that abuse is present in the relationship. We’ve included the list for reference.
But getting out is no easy task. Financial control and constant monitoring by their abuser makes it difficult for victims to get the help they need. Victims may also not feel comfortable going to local police stations because of officers’ unfortunate connection to IPV.
The National Center for Women and Policing noted that domestic violence is two to four times more common among police families than American families in general. The authority commanded by an officer can be an appealing career track for abusers, who constantly need to exhibit power and control to maintain a fragile self-image.
Madias, whose abuser was a police officer, knows that pain all too well. “He had a gun. He pointed the gun towards me multiple times while we were together. One of the times I was pregnant. He was threatening me that if I ever leave him he’s going to find me, to come to my island and find me and my mom, that he would kill my mom and me, and he would end up in jail and our kids would end up in foster families”.
Because IPV is such a difficult, delicate situation with plenty of complicated factors, professional help should be utilized when trying to leave a domestic violence situation. This is why advocacy groups like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, and local nonprofits and shelters, should be given more attention when trying to reach victims.
Advocates can assist victims with reporting their crime, and ensure fair treatment while pursuing all legal options. Advocates can also connect victims with counselors to provide emotional support through the difficulties of verbal and emotional abuse.
Promoting advocates starts with increased marketing of resources. Contact info should be displayed prominently in community spaces like restaurants, shopping malls, and parks.
Erasing the social stigma starts with understanding the challenges victims face. Schools and volunteer centers should incentivize that young people earn their required volunteer hours through hotline training and emotional de-escalation training, to provide safe and thought provoking insight into this public health crisis.
There are undoubtedly serious roadblocks that may deter a victim from seeking the help they need, but the payoff of escaping an abusive situation is worth it. If you or a loved one are in a domestic violence situation, know that there is a world outside of the hurt and pain caused by your abuser. You deserve a life free from violence and cruelty, and to love yourself fully.
“Love starts not from loving somebody else,” says Madias, “but from loving yourself. You’re worth it. Love yourself, and there’s so many people out there who will appreciate you for who you are and don’t want to change you. With love, and understanding, and conversation it is so important. You don’t have to torture yourself. There’s only one time that we’re here, and we’re supposed to enjoy our life and be happy. This world is beautiful, enjoy it.”
If you or a loved one are victims of IPV, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org. Help is available 24/7.
